It is a true indictment of our society.
Sarah Ferguson announced just days ago that her mastectomy – she was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 63 – has finally, FINALLY, helped her overcome “years” of self-loathing.
Isn’t it a shame that it takes a potentially fatal illness for a woman to put her life and priorities in perspective and see what really matters?
Life. To see their children and grandchildren grow up. Happiness.
Sarah Ferguson and Diana on the palace balcony for Trooping the Color in 1991. In her latest podcast, the Duchess of York says she has suffered comparisons to her sister-in-law for years
Sarah pictured at Heathrow Airport in 1996. She says it was just the shock of breast cancer that allowed her to regain some perspective
Joining the royal family around the same time, comparisons between the Princess of Wales (left) and the Duchess of York were inevitable. But Sarah says they were tough
On her podcast Tea Talks, she revealed that she would always compare herself negatively to Princess Diana.
Understandable when your sister-in-law has porcelain skin, huge doe eyes, and is as tall and willowy as Verbena.
Sarah was and is beautiful. Curvaceous, bright red head, laughing wrinkles in the eyes.
Less verbena, more oak: strong, enduring, unfazed by everything life throws at her, not least her ex-husband, Prince Andrew.
But that’s what women do. We fixate on someone or a place that we believe is “better” than us.
There is always someone younger and slimmer. A new supermodel, for example a movie star. And find that we inevitably fall short.
Of course, the closeness of Sarah and Diana, the endless paparazzi shots in the press, will only have increased Sarah’s feelings of inferiority.
She was under a severe test that few would be able to cope with. But it is a trial that most of them have felt, seen and suffered to some extent.
Why do we only judge women by our beauty – how much we weigh, what we wear? (And don’t forget the zealots who point out how white the parting of the Duchess of Sussex’s head is compared to the color of her face).
Sarah (left) and Diana keep their hats at the 1987 Epsom Derby
Sarah (left) and Diana join the Royal Family on the balcony of Buckingham Palace to watch the 50th anniversary of the Battle of Britain flyby in 1990. Diana holds Harry tight. Princess Margaret is on the far left
Diana (foreground) and Harry attend church at Sandringham on Christmas Day, followed by Sarah and Prince Andrew
How about our kindness, our good mothers, our intelligence, our philanthropy and our humor?
Even our courage, which Sarah has in abundance given how Sarah is handling her mastectomy and often encouraging women to get checked out.
There is currently a lot of interest in body positivity, which means we should love ourselves, regardless of our size or age.
Speaking on the subject to ELLE magazine last week, actress Florence Pugh said the reason she wore sheer clothes and bared her adorable small, young, perky nipples on the red carpet was because we own our bodies and are proud nonetheless their faults should be upon him.
But so far this only applies to women who are still conventionally beautiful.
Models such as the ‘extended’ (they no longer equate to ‘plus size’) Ashley Graham or pop star Lizzo are portrayed as inspiration for those of us who aren’t perfect.
But they’re super rich, successful, gravity defying and undeniably airbrushed, whereas real obesity keeps so many women locked in their homes and in the shadows.
Real women waste their lives waiting to be in the right shape, only to wake up one day and find it’s too late.
I’ve wasted my life hating my body since I was 11. I hid it under shapeless clothing. I didn’t do a Florence Pugh; I had a breast reduction.
I’ve never worn a bikini or eaten dessert. I exercised – jogging, Pilates, aerobics – until I threw up.
I never had children or many friends as I felt too hideous to reproduce or reveal myself.
“Kids and grandchildren are what really matters,” says Liz Jones. Here the Duchess of York and Princess of Wales are pictured with their children in the gardens of Kensington Palace to celebrate Prince Harry’s seventh birthday in 1991
“A lot of women would have felt uncomfortable comparing it to a tall, willowy drying rack like Diana,” says Liz Jones. Diana is pictured here at Heathrow Airport in 1996
Sarah shared her feelings of inadequacy on her Tea Talks podcast
Today I was diagnosed with osteoporosis of the spine, due in large part to my anorexia.
And like Sarah, it’s a wake-up call. Let’s not compare our looks to others.
The only thing that matters is that we live long and healthy lives. After all, being a beautiful, thin drying rack didn’t save Diana.
I really hope for Sarah that this is indeed the case and that she sheds the shackles of inferiority and never being able to compete and enjoys the (hopefully a very long) time that is left to her.
