Have you ever wondered what an ex REALLY thought of you as a lover? Or what was the REAL reason you broke up?
Unless you remain good friends and have the courage to ask questions, we rarely find answers to those questions.
I asked three women with very different relationships with an ex to reach out and ask them to disclose everything.
Spread the dirt about what they honestly thought about their relationship and sex life.
The results were fascinating.
This week, British sex expert Tracey Cox had three women ask their exes what their relationships and sex life was really like (stock image)
“IT WAS YOUR DRINKING NOT THE FIGHTS THAT BROKE US”
Kate, 40, dated Charlie for a year
“I was in a relationship with Charlie when I was 38. He was the handsomest man I’ve ever dated and I was infatuated with him. He left me because we were always fighting. It broke my heart, but eventually we became polite acquaintances.”
the sex: “I remember the very first time we had sex.” I undressed you and caressed you all over and you just sat back and watched me admire you. It was sexy then, but it was a portent of the future. I feel like our sex was mostly about me satisfying you.
I liked that you were upfront about what you like and don’t like, although I bet a lot of guys freaked out at how direct you are. I also love that you’re really into oral sex: I’ve always loved looking up to watch you orgasm. You really lose yourself in sex. The sex we had in the beginning was actually pretty amazing now that I think about it.
Towards the end the enthusiasm on both sides waned, but that’s because we were fighting all the time. “It’s a shame we didn’t get into ‘makeup sex’ because there was so much argument, there should have been plenty.”
The relationship: “You already know I broke up because the constant fighting made me physically ill.” It’s okay to get up at 3 a.m. and yell at each other when you’re in your early 20s, but not when you’re doing business has to lead.
The three women revealed what their former partners thought about their relationships – with surprising results
To be honest – and you’re not going to like this – it wasn’t the arguments that broke me, it was your drinking. Alcohol consumption caused the fights. Every single argument we had was when you were drunk. In a minute we’d be happy and fine, and after the third or fourth glass of wine, you’d turn into an angry girl. I know you feel insecure in relationships because your parents both had affairs, but it’s not my fault that happened. If you had cut down on your drinking – or better yet, given it up – I would have stayed. I didn’t ask you because I knew what your answer would have been – no way!’
“I wasn’t surprised to read his response about how I was in bed: I’ve hinted the same of some lovers.” At heart, I’m sexually selfish. But little did I know that drinking was such a big reason we broke up! it makes me sad If he had told me that at the time, we probably could have worked things out. “I’m embarrassed that I’m being asked to do this, but I am aware that I have problems with alcohol and have already been drinking much less alcohol.”
“My friends called him the big banana”
Louise, 34, had a casual relationship with Ben
“Ben and I have been in a relationship during lockdown. At first we were friends and dutifully kept our distance, but we ended up making out on the sofa. It was weird: He came to second base and then up and left just as it was getting hot and heavy. I couldn’t find out. I thought maybe he just wasn’t that into me.
He stayed here one night and revealed the biggest penis I had ever seen. (His nickname among my friends is “The Big Banana.”) It was so big it never really got hard. When we had penetrative sex, which was rare, it felt like he was pushing a marshmallow into a parking meter. It was all so awkward! He used one hand and tried to stuff it in. He was uncomfortable talking about it, so we never did.
“We liked each other quite enough, but not enough to continue seeing each other when lockdown is lifted.”
The gender: “I never knew if you were into me sexually or not.” I have a bit of a problem with sex. I need to feel like the woman is really in love with me – really wants to be there – before I can relax and enjoy it. Physically, I’m confident: my penis is bigger than most, so I don’t have to worry about that. But I worry that the rest of my body can’t keep up. I know you’ve dated muscular guys in the past and I felt my stomach tingle. I’m not sure if you were faking an orgasm the whole time. Do you have?’
The relationship: “We met during Covid and I doubt under normal circumstances we would ever have become anything but friends.” I thought I’m more into you than you and haven’t tried to see you again after lockdown was lifted because I thought this would be just right. We laughed a lot though and I miss you.’
ANSWER FROM LOUISE: “Interesting that he thought his big penis was a plus, even though that made things awkward!” He’s probably right, the relationship was a bit one-sided, but I didn’t care that he was carrying around Covid kilos – I didn’t it doesn’t matter either. And he caught me: “Yeah, I was just faking sometimes.”
“You didn’t even look at me during sex”
Jess, 28, was with her husband for nine years
“I didn’t speak to my ex-husband for four years after our split, but we’ve now made peace for the sake of our two girls.” I’m really excited to see what he has to say on both points. I guess I was the one having sex and it’s my fault it all went wrong.
I would say we broke up because we had kids too early. I’m not sure why we didn’t wait a while. But we both love our girls, so maybe it doesn’t matter in the end.”
The gender: “It was just fun and games for the first few years.” You put on nice lingerie, we watch porn and try all kinds of positions. You used to love it when I do it from behind. Four years and two kids later I was upstairs, no kissing and no enthusiasm from you at all. You didn’t even look at me during sex.
I know this happens in most relationships after the kids are born, but because we had such great sex in the beginning, I felt particularly betrayed. I know you were tired of taking care of the girls but you didn’t even offer the odd BJ. You told me to be brutally honest, so I’ll be too. I never really liked your BJs! I know you think you’re great at giving them, so I didn’t have to heartily tell you that your technique just didn’t do it for me.’
The relationship: “Everything was great until the kids came.” Then it felt like you blamed me for everything: the horrible pregnancies and births, no sleep, no time for “you.” I think you resented the fact that I was able to escape and go to work, but I also felt the pressure, just in a different way. I was always worried about money. “I wish we could have done it for the sake of the kid, but I think overall it’s all worked out pretty well now.”
ANSWER FROM JESS
“I get annoyed with the BJ comment because I never pretended I was good at it.” I think I mentioned once that an ex liked getting it from me, but that’s pretty much it. Why didn’t he speak up if he didn’t like what I was doing? By the way, he never offered me oral sex without obligation. It cuts in both directions.
His response to the relationship is exactly what I would expect from him. No surprises because I’ve heard it all before. We constantly competed over the question, ‘Who is worse off?’ forgiven.’
Listen to Tracey on the Diary of a CEO podcast here. You can find her podcast, products, books and blog at Traceycox.com.