Putin Takes Cue From Michael Jackson, Sleeps In Cryogenic Oxygen Tank

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“No one has seen the president so furious,” one Kremlin insider said on Thursday “Putin was furious. This was not too far from having a heart attack or a stroke.”

“Doctors on duty were called to the president, who, having stayed with Putin for about half an hour, left, allowing him to rest,” the source continued, revealing Putin’s health “deteriorated” and he “refused to eat” due to “severe nausea and headache.”

These developments come amid numerous rumors and reports Putin is dying from cancer, and the Russian leader’s doctors are purportedly using the cryogenic tank to cure “the twitches and mumbling speech” that results from Putin’s deteriorating condition.

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